![]() |
Luke Evans rises above another terrible film in this first terrible attempt to launch a "Dark Universe" |
Director: Gary Shore
Cast: Luke Evans (Vlad the Impaler/Dracula), Dominic Cooper
(Sultan Mehmet III), Sarah Gadon (Mirena), Art Parkinson (Ingeras), Charles
Dance (Master Vampire), William Houston (Cazan), Diarmaid Murtagh (Dumitru),
Noah Huntley (Captain Petru), Paul Kaye (Brother Lucian)
Every studio wants its own Cinematic Universe. Because the
lesson from Marvel’s patient and excellent build of an entire world is that
people will come and see every single film you make in a series. Right? Perhaps
that explains the painful attempts of Universal to turn one of their few recognisable
assets – monster movies – into some sort of bizarre linked universe. The
project is currently in terminal decline after the flop of Tom Cruise’s The Mummy. But before that, a reboot had
already been attempted with this bizarre retelling of the Dracula origins
story.
Vlad the Impaler (Luke Evans) is a guy who wants to put his
life of impaling behind him. All he wants is to lead his people peacefully in
Transylvania. So imagine his disappointment when his boyhood rival Sultan
Mehmet III (Dominic Cooper) arrives and demands the tribute of the first born
sons of Transylvania – including Vlad’s son Ingeras (Art Parkinson). Vlad umms
and ahs and then he decides – y’know what – not on his watch. But how can he
keep his people, his son and wife (Sarah Gadon) safe? Well the only solution is
to take on the mighty Power of the Vampire from a mysterious cave-dwelling
creature (Charles Dance). Vlad now has unlimited strength for three days – but
can he resist the craving for human blood that will make the transformation
permanent? And will the powers last long enough to repel the Turks?
Okay. So obviously this film is complete rubbish. I mean it
really is. It’s hilariously overshot – the action sequences are frequently hard
to follow, so swiftly does the camera swoop and swirl like the bats Vlad can transform
into. Shore is in love with showy shots – one battle is seen through the
reflection on a CGI sword that is thrown in the air and twirls in an arc
downwards (yes it is as complex and unengaging as I made it sound).
The plot is complete bobbins. It’s all “Forsooth my lord”
and “We make for the monastery!” (a building, by the way, of unlimited size
that seems genuinely able to accommodate most of the population of
Transylvania). The film wants us to remember that Vlad is a cool bad-ass but
also that he is ashamed of his life of sticking people on poles (needless to
say, his signature move breaks out eventually). Vlad is a vampire and a monster
– but he is also someone we need to root for, so he is portrayed as a lovable
family man who never really seems that tormented by urgings for blood.
Luke Evans. One day he will be a star. If you could find a
good performance in a terrible, stupid film it would be his. He is fully
committed and he gives the part so much emotional depth – way more than is in
the script. He really, really sells Vlad’s humanity and makes his character
feel like a warm, lovable guy – but he mixes it with an edge behind the noble
call of duty. Evans is genuinely rather good in this. The guy deserves so much
better.
I’ll give a pass as well to Sarah Gadon and Art Parkinson,
who at least treat the parts with a certain respect. Charles Dance has fun
under bizarre make-up as a wizened monster. Everyone else is here to be as
over-the-top and stupid as possible – not least Dominic Cooper, whose ludicrous
accent, utterly unimposing frame and inexplicable sudden detailed knowledge of
vampires makes for a deeply stupid, bad performance. But then everyone is going
for it – Paul Kaye leaves no piece of scenery unchewed in his brief
performances – and going for it badly. Everyone comes out of it badly.
The plot makes no sense: a strange gypsy emerges from
nowhere to try and serve Vlad (why?) and then only returns at the end to help
set up a sequel-that-never-came. Every decision Vlad makes is terrible. The
villagers oscillate wildly from pathetically grateful yokels to “burn him!”
lunatics to – well it would be spoilers, but let’s just say there is quite the
body count. In fact, the only thing really interesting about the story is
wondering what will make Vlad remain a vampire (which we all know he will do) –
of course it is a “noble sacrifice”.
The biggest problem with the film is that Vlad is both far
too powerful and far too noble. Since he can literally kill thousands of people
single handed, why does he waste time taking his people into the woods – why
not ride out single handed to meet the Turkish force and take them out? If he
is so noble that he is never tempted once to keep the powers of a vampire for
selfish reasons, where is the dramatic tension?
The film eventually ends in another overblown, stupid fight
scene with bats and invulnerable vampires flying about the place. That’s before
we head into an unearned coda in the modern age which sets up a sequel that is
not coming, and includes a few groan-worthy references back to the original
novel. But then this is a cartoon made by people who thought that they didn’t
need to bother to make a good movie at all if they slapped the Dracula name on
it. I suppose you could say it’s just
trying to entertain: but with no real interest in doing anything other than
making more movies off it later, it’s a bit of a pointless mess.
No comments:
Post a comment